The Power of Pure Conviction
One of the great mysteries of married life is how some people can become incredibly happy with each other and grow old and successful together — where others are at constant odds with their partners and see life as a continuous series of “glass half empty” wars leading to unhappiness and despair.
The question becomes, “Is the key to success in finding the right person, or finding the right inspiration?”
The answer is YES!
I have given a great deal of thought to this issue over the past couple of years and want to share a simple observation that will help you instantly put your marriage on the WOW track from Good to Great to Exceptional! Sometimes when you understand how things actually work, you can make them work even better.
“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” ~ Victor Hugo
Discovering the Source…
To understand what I am about to tell you doesn’t require you to believe in the MYSTICAL, MAGICAL or MIRACLES. It doesn’t require a Phd in math or even an honorary degree from the School of Hard Knocks!
The story I am about to tell you requires you to believe in just 2 things:
1. There IS a Marriage Continuum and you and your partner are constantly in motion on it — sometimes moving up towards Good to Great to Exceptional… and sometimes moving down towards Average to Mediocre to Struggling or Toxic.
You are ALWAYS in motion— 24/7/365 — for better or for worse!
You can clearly SEE this continuum at every point in time as you look into each other’s eyes: Boredom… hurt… rejection… infidelity… sorrow… anger… hate… or Happiness… trust… freedom… integrity… excitement… security… enthusiasm… adventure… love.
2. What causes movement up and down the continuum is the ENERGY released by your CONVICTIONS.
Strong Convictions = Strong Energy.
Weak Convictions = Weak Energy.
Permit your energy to fall and your marriage falls.
Continuously boost your energy and your marriage succeeds — brilliantly.
Pretty simple stuff.
Pretty obvious too, right?
After all, we can all see what happens to friends and family around us when their marriages hit the wall and start falling into a divorce spiral. All problems, less energy, equals faster descent into oblivion. You start to see the swirling toxic ooze around you and you pull back further and the spiral accelerates, collapsing under its own weight.
Without fresh energy constantly applied — each and every day — people tend to spend years vacillating between Good to Average to Mediocre… then back up to Average… then maybe back to Good… then down to Mediocre… until they just get tired of the fight, give up and give in to the Struggles of life — and there they sit.
Some spend their entire lives in a tight range around Mediocre where they rarely get out of “hill country” and never even get to see the peaks and valleys. Sometimes just seeing a few peaks gives you enough energy to hope for a better life.
Some find out early that they lack the energy to make things work and simply get out somewhere around Struggling to boringly Average.
Some aren’t so fortunate and stay in a relationship ultimately doomed to toxicity, hate and loathing.
Of course, this is not what they imagined on their wedding day. What they hoped and prayed for was “wedded bliss,” not a nightmare on elm street!
So, what goes wrong? Where does the energy go?
A better question is, “What is the SOURCE of the positive energy necessary to make your marriage WORK…where does the energy come from that we need to succeed… and how do we get MORE of it?!”
Conviction? Yes, Conviction!
Dictionaries usually define conviction as a firmly held belief or strong opinion… one is Convinced.
The definition of conviction I love most is “A belief is something you will argue about. A conviction is something you will die for!”
There’s no doubt that our convictions determine our conduct and actions. They motivate us to take a stand and to act according to our values.
When we were writing Success On Purpose, we made the important observation that our VALUES contain powerful kinetic energy within them — physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energy that is waiting for you to actuate it. It is the potential energy from my top 10 personal values that keeps me jumping out of bed each morning, hugging my beautiful wife and hitting it hard.
Here is my list of 10. I want you to read them out loud to see if any connect with something within YOU:
Freedom… curiosity… beauty… loyalty… giving… wealth… power… complexity… spirituality… love.
How do you feel when you say a word like freedom or beauty? Or, how emotionally juiced do you get when you think about releasing curiosity into your world each day?
Nothing? That’s ok.
Those are MY most important values, not YOURS!
Why not take a few seconds to run through your top 3 or 4 MOST important values and see how just saying those words make you feel.
But, as we instruct in Success On Purpose, you can’t stop there.
Once you find clarity of Values, you must move on to gaining clarity of Vision and clarity of the Roles you will play to live your Values and achieve your Visions.
When you then triangulate your Values, Visions and Roles into Natural Missions, you will be at the Starting Point for real success: PURE CONVICTION… and ultimately, a life of happiness, satisfaction and significance.
The Conviction that what you are doing is the RIGHT thing for you to be doing… for YOU.
Yes, Pure Conviction is what provides the ENERGY to propel you up the Marriage Continuum from Good to Great to Exceptional.
When your Conviction wavers, you quickly lose the positive energy you need to hold your place at the top… and if you don’t re-energize… you find yourself quickly falling back a stop or two. Or more.
This is why it is critical to develop the 4 C’s of The Winner’s Mindset™ within your marriage: Clarity… Conviction… Commitment… and the Courage to take bold action.
Without CLARITY, there can be no real CONVICTION.
Until you are Convinced that what you are doing are the right things for you and your spouse to be doing, you will lack the power of unconditional COMMITMENT.
Where there is little COMMITMENT, you are always in a confused state and never even get to the point where you and your partner takes any action… let alone COURAGEOUS action! Put simply, you just go through the motions, constantly in that “getting ready to get ready” state of mind.
It’s not that “nothing happens” it’s just the opposite… EVERYTHING happens!
When you lose momentum and inertia pushing you forward, you don’t just stop and stay in place — the forces of time depleting your energy causes you to quickly move back DOWN the Marriage Continuum from Great to merely Good… to rest uncomfortably for YEARS in the mundane, dull, boring, tedious, monotonous, tiresome, wearisome, unexciting, uninteresting, uneventful, unvarying, unremarkable, repetitive, routine, ordinary, everyday, day-to-day, run-of-the-mill, commonplace, plain-vanilla, ho-hum existence!
Get the point?
This is a HUGE DIFFERENCE from the pure bliss couples find at Great or EXCEPTIONAL where these are the words describing their relationships: remarkable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, sensational, stunning, incredible, unbelievable, phenomenal, striking, outstanding, momentous, impressive, singular, memorable, unforgettable, unique, noteworthy, out of the ordinary, unusual, uncommon, rare, surprising, fantastic, terrific, tremendous, stupendous, awesome and wondrous!
This image from a Tumblr blog pretty much says it all!
A Real Force Multiplier…
Doing YOUR Vision, Values and Roles exercises in Success On Purpose, is a very big deal as it gets you to PURE CONVICTION in just a few short hours.
But, that’s not the BIG BENEFIT!
When your partner engages in this discovery process WITH you, you don’t just double your energy… double your power over circumstances… double your CONVICTION… it becomes a force multiplier!
It’s not 10 + 10 = 20.
It’s 10 x 10 = 100!
My wonderful wife surprised me when she revealed her top 10 personal Values a few years back.
Competition, love, faith, results, creativity, challenge, adventure, learning, security, closeness/family.
Imagine the adventures we have had traveling the country together… building businesses… creating powerful family bonds… investing in our families’ education and future.
She and I — together — share a life worth living because we quickly and effortlessly triangulate our shared Values, Visions and Roles into PURE CONVICTION — where we both find the energy to commit to actually LIVING an Exceptional life.
This is far more than we could do on our own, flying solo.
More than just me supporting HER Convictions.
More than her just supporting MY Convictions.
Living in the glow of Pure Conviction is a daily adventure that has fostered an unbreakable bond, forged within the heart… managed by the head… and emblazoned by our busy hands. Each day our love grows because we energize our marriage with the Power of Pure Conviction!
And really, isn’t this what an Exceptional Marriage is all about?
Finding the RIGHT person to begin with… then creating daily INSPIRATION through the energy released from Pure CONVICTION is the formula for success.
Imagine finding the right person, but living a lackluster, uninspiring life where your shared values never lead to shared visions or released into the world through shared roles.
Little CONVICTION for anything important.
The great news is that you get to choose.
PS Let’s face it, you’ve had teachers, parents, preachers, and friends tell you what values should be important to you, and you’re probably trying to influence your spouse to model those same values that have been passed on to you.
This is fine for little children because they too learn the same way.
However, as you grow as a couple, you must eventually develop your own reasons for doing what you do.
Those reasons become powerful convictions.
This is what truly energizes a marriage.
Why not take us up on our $1 Success On Purpose Challenge and discover your unique “marriage identity” and start moving your relationship up from Good… to Great… to Exceptional!
This fun process of doing and discovering doesn’t take weeks — it takes just a few hours!
When you and your partner take the time to get all your Someday Dreams on the same page… WOW!
Magic does happen! 🙂